Cyrus Broacha's column for the WSD newsletter
A household name in India, MTV’s popular VJ has some very original
views on stray dogs.
A dog’s ravings as interpreted by Cyrus Broacha.
Yah! Yah! I got 259 reminders to fill in my piece for your
newsletter. But I’m a busy dog. The last two weeks have been frenetic. The stray dog police, you can
tell who they are as they accept food from anyone, finally caught Rattu the rubber tie, who’s been
causing more destruction than Harbhajan Singh on a turning track.
Since I like Abodh, your editor or maybe editor’s friend, a lot, I thought I’d find some time between
my busy schedule of scratching, itching, rubbing and then scratching again to write this piece. A word
about Abodh, first he’s looking terrible with more than 70% of bones showing. If any more show, it
won’t be long before we start chasing him! He’s what we call a stray’s stray in our parlance. That’s a
dog that’s so thin, he makes your average stray appear to be a fat cat. If the comparison sounds
confusing, it’s just because we animals like to plug for each other, not like you humans who kill each
other over Coke and Pepsi. Colas which I may add taste worse than my first husband’s vomit, which believe
me I had to endure for far too long. I was thinking, a practice you humans stopped since about the time
Madhubala’s career ended and the Beatles called it a day. We dogs have far less demands than you human
creatures. I mean look at you guys. The Americans want Iraq. Iraq wants Kuwait and friends, Pakistan wants
more terrorists. India encourages fascism. Africa is a mess. Eastern Europe is too frightening to pee in,
and China well let’s say they’ve not always been into man’s best friend. We dogs on the other hand, have
far fewer demands.
Recently we were kicked out of gardens in Malabar Hill. Kicked out of soil we helped to regenerate. It’s
even worse for the dogs trapped with humans. If they don’t get their exercise, we homeless dogs get no joy
in chasing them. You see if they’re unfit they’ll never outrun us and then there will be no fun in the game.
It would be like Real Madrid playing a football match against Parsee Gymkhana. So give us back our land.
Do something constructive with your time, invade another country and bother “your fellow” humans. Our
gardens are small and chaste for you “great humans.” Oh yes and another thing, a chap called Toga something
or the other keeps making speeches linking dogs to certain politicians. Please, please, stop this evil
ractice. We are faithful, loyal and protective and fun-loving. How about highlighting that in your speeches,
instead of dragging our name down to the level of politicians….Anyway all this talk is getting me worked up.
I need to drain that bladder, I hope Mr. Mehra’s car is parked in the same place. I love those radials. Chew
on my piece you human folk, and feel free to send me your comments on my email, which alas I don’t have. You
see my office was in Hanging Gardens, and I’ve spent a lot of money redecorating it, hopefully, with your help
I’ll get it back. As usual.